Having grown up in a Reformed Baptist/Fundamental Baptist circle, I often heard phrases like, “Wives, submit to your husbands,” “God created man to lead,” and “A woman’s place is in the home.”
These ideas were woven into the religious fabric I was surrounded by, and at first, I didn’t think much of it. But as I got older, these so-called “truths” started gnawing at me.
Something about them didn’t sit right. As I dove deeper into the Bible and theology and ultimately expanded the conversations I was having to people outside of the echo chamber and from other, different walks of life, it became increasingly clear that biblical patriarchy doesn’t just place women in a subordinate role—it fundamentally shapes how women are seen, treated, and even how they are allowed to express themselves–particularly when it comes to their sexuality.
Patriarchy, especially the so-called “biblical” kind, leaves an indelible mark on gender dynamics, the way men view women, and how both men and women are taught to approach female sexuality.
This extremely spiritually abusive narrative is felt deeply and profoundly in the everyday lives of people like me who grew up in these circles–and is now a narrative that is being eliminated in a way that leaves a lot of us feeling gaslit about whether it happened at all.
So here’s what I’m tackling today:
- You’re not crazy–even if your parents, mentors, and Spiritual leaders deny having taught you any of this stuff. (That’s called gaslighting.)
- If you’re a guy and you struggle with your sexuality, especially if it’s beginning to impact your work and relationships, this blog might help shed some light in a shame-free way.
- If you’re a woman who struggles to embrace your sexuality, we’re going to tackle why that is, and I will point you to some resources that I believe can help!
How “Biblical” Patriarchy Shapes and Erodes Men’s View of Women
Let’s start with the men because the system of biblical patriarchy doesn’t just create rules for women; it also trains men in how they should think about women.
When men are told from birth—implicitly or explicitly—that they are the “natural” leaders and women are to submit, it sets up a dynamic where women are seen as lesser, even if that’s not what’s consciously intended.
Think about it. If you grow up in an environment where men are the leaders and women are supposed to support them, it’s easy to internalize the idea that women are somehow less capable, less important, or less worthy of being taken seriously.
And just like anything else, this mindset can and WILL creep into all aspects of life–from the workplace to the home.
This structure also teaches men to see women as objects to be protected, controlled, or even owned rather than equals to be respected and valued for their full humanity.
Women become “helpers,” defined not by their own ambitions or desires but by how well they fit into a man’s world.
Now, some might argue that biblical patriarchy honors women by giving them special roles in the home and family, but here’s the problem: those roles are predetermined by men, FOR MEN, and framed as the ONLY acceptable options. It’s hard to truly value someone when you’re restricting their choices and defining their worth by their relationship to someone else—namely, men.
The Sexual Double Standard
Let’s dive into one of the most pervasive ways biblical patriarchy affects women: and that is through the lens of sexuality.
*GASP*
Ohnooooo I’m talking about sex(!) and in public??!
Go ahead. Clutch those pearls. I once got “in trouble” with a former church member for telling her son that waiting to have sex was worth it in response to him making an inappropriate joke. Lol. Classic.
In the so-called “Biblical Patriarchal” system, women’s sexuality is often framed as something to be controlled or repressed. Women are frequently taught that their bodies are stumbling blocks for men, that they should “cover-up” to avoid causing men to sin, and that their value is directly tied to their purity.
Ever heard the phrase “modest is hottest”? It’s a perfect example of how biblical patriarchy shapes women’s self-worth around their sexuality—or, more specifically, their lack of sexual expression. (it’s laughable that I’m even using this term here because saying “hot” would’ve been considered extremely worldly in the circles **I** grew up in.)
A woman who dresses modestly and waits until marriage to have sex is considered “pure” and “good,” while women who stray from that path are often shamed and labeled immoral. It’s the virgin/whore dichotomy, but one that has been rebranded and repackaged for a modern Christian audience. “Two thumbs up!” *eye roll*
Meanwhile, men’s sexuality in this system is often treated as something that’s natural, unavoidable, and in need of control—but not by the men themselves. No, it’s women’s responsibility to dress modestly, behave properly, and avoid tempting men into sinful thoughts or actions. This puts the burden of purity squarely on women’s shoulders and reinforces the idea that women are responsible for men’s behavior—a notion that’s as harmful as it is outdated.
See where I’m going here?
Women as Gatekeepers of Sexual Morality
Biblical patriarchy has turned women into the gatekeepers of sexual morality, a role that does far more harm than good.
By placing the weight of purity on women, this system teaches them that their bodies are inherently dangerous, that their sexuality must be suppressed or hidden, and that their value is tied to how well they manage the desires of men.
Take the whole “purity culture” movement, for example. It’s essentially a system where women are taught that their virginity is the most valuable thing they can offer, that losing it before marriage is akin to being “spoiled” or “damaged goods.” And even after marriage, a woman’s sexual expression is still tightly controlled—she’s expected to be available to her husband but remain modest and “pure” in every other context.
This emphasis on sexual purity creates deep feelings of shame and guilt in women who don’t conform to these narrow expectations. It reduces a woman’s identity to her sexual status, diminishing her worth to how well she can embody these patriarchal ideals. Worse, it ignores the fact that women—just like men—are complex, multifaceted beings with their own sexual desires and needs.
How This Affects Relationships and Consent
The impact of biblical patriarchy on relationships can’t be understated. When men are taught that they’re the natural leaders and women are supposed to submit, it distorts the dynamics of partnership and mutual respect. Instead of two people working together as equals, the relationship becomes hierarchical—one where men lead and women follow.
This can lead to harmful ideas about consent. In a system where women are taught to submit to male authority, their ability to say “no” becomes compromised. The expectation is often that a woman’s desires or boundaries are secondary to a man’s, especially in marriage.
Women are frequently encouraged to be sexually available to their husbands at all times, which blurs the lines around consent and personal agency.
The idea that a man’s authority supersedes a woman’s autonomy can have devastating consequences in abusive relationships. Women are often counseled to stay in harmful marriages, with the notion that their role is to submit and endure, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being. This dynamic reinforces the power imbalance, leaving women vulnerable to manipulation and control.
A Stunted View of Women’s Sexuality
But perhaps one of the most significant ways biblical patriarchy leads to a low view of women is in how it stunts their understanding of their own sexuality.
In this framework, women are rarely encouraged to explore their sexual identities or desires. Their bodies are seen as either objects of temptation or instruments of reproduction, but never as sources of pleasure or personal expression.
This view not only robs women of the chance to understand and celebrate their sexuality, but it also reinforces harmful stereotypes that women are passive participants in sex.
If a woman’s only role in sexual encounters is to serve her husband or to avoid tempting men, then where is the space for her own agency, her own desires?
When women’s sexuality is framed in these narrow, utilitarian terms, it limits their ability to develop a healthy, holistic view of themselves.
They’re taught to suppress their desires, to feel ashamed of their bodies, and to see sex as something that happens to them rather than with them. This stunted view of sexuality leaves women disconnected from their bodies and their sense of self-worth.
As a woman with a pretty high sex drive, I definitely thought something was wrong with me, especially after reading books with extremely harmful rhetoric like “For Women Only” because it makes it seem like women are 1) far less sexual than men, 2) shouldn’t/don’t get turned on as easily, 3) don’t deserve respect in regards to sexuality and 4) differ in their ability to enjoy sex–if they enjoy it at all.
I grew up assuming sex was something I *had* to do to procreate, that I wouldn’t enjoy it, that I must have a male-brainbecause of how often I thought about it/thought about wanting it/what it would be like, and that I would have to “put out” whether I wanted to or not. And if I didn’t? Well, my husband would probably cheat on me, turn to porn or leave me and it would be my faulty for not submitting.
Obviously, that’s all BS, and no girl (or guy) should have to endure entertaining those thoughts.
Reclaiming Women’s Full Humanity
Ultimately, biblical patriarchy doesn’t just diminish women’s roles in the home, church, or society—it diminishes their full humanity. By confining women to specific, subordinate roles and controlling their sexuality, it perpetuates the idea that women are less valuable, less capable, and less worthy of respect.
But there’s hope. More and more women (and men) are pushing back against these harmful narratives, reclaiming their voices, their leadership, and their sexuality.
Feminist theologians, progressive Christian leaders, and egalitarian movements within the church are all working to dismantle the patriarchal structures that have held women back for so long.
Women deserve to be seen and valued for who they are—not just for how well they fit into a predetermined mold. And that starts by challenging the systems that have kept them down for far too long.
If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend reading “The Great Sex Rescue” by Sheila Gregoire. She covers topics like this and does such an incredible job. In fact, her whole site is one hell of a resource: https://sheilawraygregoire.com/
Leave a Reply